someday you'll find

ugly life for the ugly person.

No matter what people say, as much as I'm grateful for the kind words, it's really getting harder for me to walk now. And my stomach is expanding without control. I know I probably look slimmer after coming back from my holidays (I assure you, I ate more than I usually do) but be prepared to see a bigger and greater me in a few weeks time. My appetite has increased twofold since coming back, and I really haven't stopped eating once. Especially on training days.

I'm worried, really worried for once about how my eating habits are affecting my life. Is all the cake eating really robbing me of my muscles and replacing them with stored sugar and fats? I've really lost touch of how much the normal intake of cake should be, because to me cake is my staple right now. Along with KFC's student meals and Subway. It's worrying, because 20 years down the road when I see the effects these have on my body, I'm going to cry and feel suicidal and pay my life's savings for liposuction. I don't want that.

I don't really care if I look fat right now, at this moment. I've spent much of my school year hanging out with Ada, Elaine, Jasmine, Eunice, Lillian and Vivian - which also means much of my school year has been spent looking like an elephant in comparison to them. The important thing is the possible loss of strength and place on the team.

Conclusion: I'm going to train and do PT/conditioning so obsessively that people are going to be so scared and so freaked out. I'm going to gain so much muscle mass that I can squash a bodybuilder. And I'll feel satisfied, going for lessons late and sweaty but feeling like I'm living a healthy lifestyle. =)

posted by jallyre @ 11:47 PM