someday you'll find: Dreams and flying

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Dreams and flying

Dreams. I'm getting dreams that I can remember when I wake up, finally. I guess it comes with having a good night's sleep. I'm proud to say that these days I have been sleeping before 12 (unless I try very hard to stay up) and waking up automatically in the mornings, any time between 5-9am. Sadly, I seem to wake up automatically even if I don't get 8 hours of sleep! Hahah well I guess it's got something to do with the fact that the sky is so insanely bright even at 5. In any case, this is much better than the times I used to fall asleep at 9 in the morning or even 1 in the afternoon, and wake up when the sky is dark at 10pm, or even 1am.

In last night's dream, I was part of a travelling performing group. I was a senior junior, which reminded me a lot of life in Denvers. But somewhere along the way, I didn't manage to make it in time, and the group left for another country without me. I remember, I had to make my way across slippery rocky boulders on the edge of the island, (something like what we had to do in Penang during junior catechists retreat) trying to grab the attention of the troupe departing on a boat.

And just like in Penang, after failing to get the boat, and after drowning in despair in the rain, stranded on the bordering boulders, I had to make my way up through a jungle. It was exactly like in Penang, how we had to crawl up the hill that inclined 80 degrees from the ground. Making our way up against eroding soil, holding onto any branches or vines with our lives, even if they cut our hands so bad. It was the same, with the rain pouring down upon the canvas of leaves above and falling on my face, blurring my vision. My tears were lost amidst the rain.

What seemed like an eternity after, I was still lost in the jungle, though it was no longer a steep climb. I saw three hikers in the distance, and I ran after them at once. I couldn't tell if they were friend or foe, but the desire for companionship overwhelmed me. And for some reason, I felt so comforted by their presence, even with such a distance between us.

I ran, and ran. I got so very close, and then they were gone. Just like that, vanished before my eyes. I stood in the middle of the clearing where I had last seen them. It was completely silent, with only the slight rustling of leaves beneath my own feet. Had I imagined it? Had I, for that moment, imagined that I wasn't alone? Unconvinced, I ran towards the brightest path and followed it until I came to a point where, had I not stopped, the next step I took would have sent me dropping a good 8 feet onto the landing below.

I was at the end of the bright path, and right before me was endless light and what seemed to be the way out. I was so stunned by the revelation, that I could not react to the sudden force from behind me. I never found out what it was -- I tumbled forward, lost my footing and fell off the edge. I closed my eyes and braced myself to land headfirst or hit my neck somehow. The fall felt long, but I never did hit the ground. I opened my eyes slowly, but it was too dark to see anything. Perhaps it was due to my slight claustrophobia and fear of the dark, or perhaps it was because I had begun to realize why I was not on the ground; my heart was racing. I put my hand over my heart, as if to calm it down. It wasn't dark at all, it was just so bright that I couldn't see.

It was you.

Now I knew who those three people I saw were.

I could read that look on your face. I'd seen it somewhere before... I blinked.

My eyes flew open. I was in my bedroom. Everything was as it was when I fell asleep. For a moment, I forgot about the dream, except my hand was still on my heart.

I woke up because I had pulled myself out of the dream. Because I didn't want a dream like that to continue.

The look, it said you were sorry.

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How can you do this to me. ): After we've been partners for so long and I trusted you with my life.

Flyer!Jo and Base!Brandan