someday you'll find

Valentines Day 2008

It's impossible, I know.

But sometimes, just sometimes, my mind starts wandering in that direction.

It's like a person on a boat, thinking that its a little shaky, spots another boat in the distance and excitedly tries to move onto the new boat and basically in the end that person ends up with nothing, just floating away or drowning in the sea. Alone.

I just had to do this. A list of people that made my survival through this horrible day possible:

Eunice - no matter what, just knowing she's around will keep me strong.
Kegan - for giving me the motivation and encouragement to even do anything for Daniel today.
Theo - for constantly telling me that what I do will be appreciated.
Melody - for telling me it isn't a lame idea.
May Fong - for helping me so much by placing the note and refridgerating the cakes.
JJ - for just being such a lovely and perfect ______-__, and just making me smile.
Shaun - for the pineapple tarts and the unexplainable strength
Nic - for being the reason I realised I left my goody bag in school
Bryan - for being the first to reach out to me
Ken Wei - for giving me a chocolate because I looked like I needed it
Jacque - for being the lovely friend she is
Gabriel - for his big, comforting presence
Hari - for his reaction when I gave him his cookie
Ben and Ada - for the cards that slapped me in the face
Shaun, Bryan, Gabriel, Joy, Jing Min, JJ, Lil/Viv - who told me the cookies were yum. It made me feel like the effort wasn't wasted.

You guys just bring so much joy into my life and REALLY, truly keep me strong. And this isn't just something I'm saying. I mean it.

And talking to Kegan now, I really want to thank Ben and Ada. This year, I was just so busy on the few days before Vday. Needless to say, Monday and Tuesday were horrible days since I had to lug a lot of things around from school to violin or to training (by luck, Monday's training was cancelled). Wednesday, I rushed from school to town and ran around looking for fabric paint for the candles and went home, baked a bit and did some candles and rushed to Novena to pay violin fees, check on windbreaker pricings and go for piano lesson after which I had to drag my tired and battered body home and before I could even sit on my bed, I was up and about to bake again, all the way till 3+am and then did more candles and cards. And in the end, I don't think the cards properly conveyed what I wanted to say to my friends. They just became.. paper.

Like I wanted to tell Ada exactly what she wrote me in her letter. I wanted to say how much I was thankful that we were friends now after the things in the past, and that I don't know why, but I'm really happy that she started going to church etcetc but I didn't cos I wasn't thinking straight at 4am. And although she had her stuff to do too, she managed to write me a decent card that wasn't like the brief .. crap I gave people. It just made me feel so horrible.

And Ben's. I vaguely remember talking to him earlier this week and he said he wasn't doing anything except for the people who mattered enough to him. I definitely knew I wasn't one of them since I always threw tantrums at him. And I eventually forgot he said that at all, and when Jasmine told me that Ben had something to pass me, I was just like "oh okay I have something to pass him too." Then I read the first line:

"Guess what, you matter enough." And the tears just came out before I noticed them.

This Vday was really full of love from my friends, and I still feel the warmth inside when I think about each and every one of them.

And Ameera who mentioned the time in Year 3 at the lockers when I showed her the video of Melissa and Alex from the OC kissing. Guess what - You won't believe this, but I remembered exactly the same thing like super recently?! Haha freaky, but omg I was just so happy when I saw that part in your letter minah. And no worries Jo ain't bulimic. =\ It's just not very possible. Even if I did feel like puking today after crying so much after school. Oh well, I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

Labels: friends

posted by jallyre @ 12:33 AM