someday you'll find

Happy Teachers' Day

On the 6th of January, 2005, my life began to change in the strangest and most unexpected way.

I stepped into the music room in the old RJC campus and my fated was decided then, that I would learn to play the violin in the group violin class under one of the most influential people in my life. Perhaps - or most definitely - if it hadn't been for that decision to take up that module, I would not be where I am right now.

Music has been a huge part of my life these past few years. Not only as a form of enjoyment, but as a school subject major / commitment as well. Because of it, I've become a more disciplined and refined girl and more considerate towards my parents. I've also changed from a rash, hotheaded spitfire to a slightly milder version (still as rash though) of who I used to be. It may seem like an exaggeration, but it's really true - that's the influence it has had on me.

And if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have found the reason to learn piano again. To complete my grade 8 syllabus. To learn a new instrument. To see the endless possibilities and fun in learning music.

I always take things, and people for granted - I know it. So sometimes when I think about how hard she tries and works to guide all of us and give us the best she can, till the point that she gets so mad and upset; something in my heart always breaks. I vaguely remember once after a violin lesson in which I inevitably disappointed her with my horrendous playing (and lack of practice), she just sounded so tired and weary. She wasn't even mad at me. As I left the music room, tears began to fall from my eyes. Someone actually bothers about you, so why can't you just try hard for yourself?

I want to tell her when she gets all stressed up over work; You don't have to try so hard all the time. You don't have to worry yourself over everything and overwork yourself. You don't have to care, if other people don't.
But I guess it's pointless for me to say that, since I'm one of those students who cause her trouble all the time.

So I'll just say thank you.
Thank you for believing in me all this time.
Thank you for seeing the spark in me.
Thank you for tolerating everything that I am.
Thank you for not giving up on me.

You're the one person I can't stand to disappoint.
And yet I always do.

But this time I'm not going to. Perhaps it might not be perfect, but I'm going to face my recital with the confidence I know I have. I don't want to compare with anybody. I just want to show you, my parents and myself that all our efforts have gotten somewhere.

-
(This isn't meant to be a Teachers' Day message!)

posted by jallyre @ 10:49 PM