someday you'll find

Our formators.

My formator is Fabian.
I never knew that, really. I didn't even know we had our own formators. And if you asked me who I thought was my formator, I would have said Paul. Cos I remember I was asked to see Paul at the beginning of the year to chitchat. Well.. It could have been Joanne Teo. I don't really know. Well, not that I would mine if it were me, but haha Rachel Ooi got Anthony.
Which reminds me, I've started saying 'Tony' now. I don't think I'm supposed/allowed to. But it's cos Paul and Bryan keep calling him that.

But anyway, I found out that Fabian was my formator on the first day of camp, after the first powerhouse. He actually cornered me after we left and cos I didn't know, I was a bit.. omg okay what did I do wrong.... so weird. But yeah, it's just the normal kind of get-to-know-you question? But Jo thinks a lot so it could be get-to-know-you-but-I-suspect-you-have-a-warped-personality-so-I'm-asking-leading-questions.

Well, I think I was as honest as I could get. He asked me to describe a friend, any friend. I started by saying I like to be with people who have a sense of identity, ie people who know what they want and who they are. So anyway I wound up talking about 'this girl', Eunice. Lawl. Well. What went through my mind was that we used to hang out cos we had a few common interests. But my main point to Fabian was that she was someone I admired a lot because she knows what she wants to do and all that. Probably not only her, but she was the first person that came to mind. Like she wants to become a banker and all that.. I don't really know what but I think she knows. How she doesn't let other people affect what she believes. And I told Fabian she does calligraphy, which is truly amazing and makes her a very special person. Well.. stuff like that. Haha, really really a lot of things to say. It felt kinda good.

But I guess in the end it became something that.. I believe strongly in and know is true (as far as my perception/knowledge goes), but cannot relate to. Like I'm describing something really distant. Lawl. Like an African trying to talk about Chinese history. I hope he didn't notice.

Yup and then I tried to describe my relationship with the JCs. I realised (and always knew) there isn't anyone or any group of people I hang out with in particular. Like, if you asked me who I'm closest to and would talk to most in JC, I wouldn't be able to answer. Or I'd say all of them. Which is kinda odd cos - does that make me the odd one out?

We (as in the CC2 JC facils) kinda talked about it before Rachel Ooi came. Paul said it's hard to stay in a group if you have no close friends or people to clique with. Which is why Matthias left. So I wonder how on earth I managed to stay on, or am I going to quit soon? But I don't get that feeling. I didn't think of leaving either. Jane says she doesn't have any close friends also. Haha, to which Paul said the both of us were thick skinned enough to stay.

I think I grew a lot through my whole confirmation class life. Honestly, I would hate me in CC1 to CC3..... or CC4. I think I really grew up. I think I used to be emo and really quiet. Not quiet but really.. distant. Paul said so, when I said I became very thickskinned during the sharing. As in he said I really changed a lot. Well yeah, I remember rolling my eyes at everything everyone was saying and.. thinking I was all that. I mean. I didn't consciously think it but some things people said really pissed me off and I was like, 'eh???'

I'm glad I was in that class though. I love my classmates. And since most of us joined JC, I think it's fine for me to say that's why I feel like I don't need a clique to stay on. Thank God.

Eh. I want to become like Cheryl/Dionne/Pearlly/Bryan one day. I think the youths in our parish are all amazing, except I feel old now because the 'youths' to me are all becoming adults now. It's scary. Iggy is working as in office working (is he like smart or sth? =\) and either he looks very young or he is very young. Gideon drives a very, very big car. =\ I was wondering why Bryan looked so free and never had to go to work, but he's studying at NUS. Pearlly's doing Medicine ah? Last I heard. Probably at NUS too. But she's 22 right? Going to graduate soon I suppose? Sigh. I'd look up to her if I still had the brains to. But I'm not interested in medicine.

Well. I should work hard to so in future the kids will have something to look up to about me. Oh I was paired with Benjamin for CC1 camp right? And they were all like 'WAAH RJC SO SMART.' 'GEP somemore eh!' And I was just laughing along with them. Haha I was almost paired with him again for CC2 I think? Cos Gerry thought I was Joanne Teo or something. Thankfully not. I loved my group while I was in it.

Eh, I wonder if they know. Or maybe I'm REALLY thinking too much but. Oh well Ben you decide.

Anyway. It sucks that the boundaries are so definite. You're only their facils during the camp and after that you can't act like you miss your kids or anything cos your formators will start saying "You'll be in so many other camps after this and none of them will remember you and..............." kind of thing. Which is so embarassing to listen to but. Argh. Well hopefully I will get immune to cute kids soon then.

And it's not like I didn't want to sit with my group on the bus ride. Unless you meant mingle with the teens in general but. Hello. The cathechists want to talk to the kids right. Anyway it was quite fun at the back listening to Ben, Francis and Cavin's raci........ jokes.

Oh well. YEHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I DONT KNOW BUT. =\

Oh and I think cos it was mainly Paul and Bryan who stayed with us during the camp especially Bryan so I think it'll be weird if Paul isn't there for CC3 camp ah? I think he was a good guide. Very experienced too. Honestly. AAAAH Bryan is so pitiful. I think there was one night where he stayed up very late ah? And the next day Paul sent him to sleep during the day. Sigh. But they probably stay up talking anyway.

Eh. On supper the first night as in Night Zero (before camp), I don't know la. I guess Grace Koh was having the Hokkien Mee to herself and really not very willing to share. I mean its understandable if it's yummy and all that and plus I think Grace is the type who would say it if she doesnt want to share. But Gerry and Paul Goh and all were really very mean? And it's like. They were scolding Bryan. I mean I guess it's the joking kind (At least I hope it is?) but. The poor guy had to stand there and get scolded. I mean I found it more funny than pitiful but. Lol. Oh well. I guess we have to work harder to get a better reputation / uphold the JC reputation.

I'm sorry Daniel for sleeping during the break. =\ I think I was the first one to sleep. Oops. I prayed hard during powerhouse. I'm SORRRRRYYYYYYYYYY everyone.

posted by jallyre @ 7:52 PM