You say you don't see a real smile coming from me anymore, well I don't even see a smile coming from you at all. At least I bother to fake it, but all you care to give me is a look of annoyance or incredulity. Do my feelings even mean anything to you? How is it that you can bear to cut someone so deeply with your words? It feels like whatever I say or do is no longer important to you because you hear it too often. To me, words of affirmation are important. Letting someone know how you feel is also important. So I always, always try to let you know. But after a while, it just feels like you don't want to hear it. And it makes me sick to say it. And after a while, I don't want to mean what I say, because that would just be one-sided.
Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm asking too much. This is the last time I'll spoil myself, thinking these negative thoughts. I'm going to be positive about the things you say, the looks you give and the things you do. I just wish you realise that not everyone thinks the things I do are ridiculous, the way you do.
And if you really want to 'fit in' so much, how about this. Kegan and Theo both say that if they ever have a girlfriend, there won't be anybody more important than them. Clearly, you already don't fit in in that aspect.
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