OMG. I am severly underweight.
Wiki classifies my BMI as "Starvation."
Oh, this is so ironic. Why can't I be the average teenager complaining about being too fat and heavy and whatnots. (Not saying I'm not fat though. Fat, as in I should have more muscles but no my body is eating my muscles away BLAH need more PT.) Crad. I'm sooo in trouble. Like seriously.
OMG!
Today was like the best day I've had in weeks. It sure feels like it! I got to spend some time with Daniel today but that isn't really the main point! The main point was I wasn't killing myself trying to revise Math AND Music quiz in the morning break cos there was only Music today - which is going to be the first time I get an entire question wrong but who cares, it's over!
And though I failed the test pretty damned badly, everyone else did too! HAHA. So it's okay.
Yup I got to sit on this really cool 151 bus today. The inside is like the interior of a super huge limousine, with like a 3sided square couch at the back, followed by two parallel rows of those round, cup-ish seats that are in the shape of like a C? Kinda? Yup and then there were these two high chairs facing the wall haha and there was a like 'desk' thing in front of them so it resembled a bar - there was a picture of a bartender on the wall, too! How cool is that?
Then I saw Sam on the bus after thinking about her when the bus passed Island Creamery! Talk about a superb coincidence!! We talked briefly and I found out that she takes 151 home. Poor girl, staying in Tampines! But maybe I'll see her next time! Haha after her H3 lesson ends. Yup and THEN BRANDAN, that sweetie pie he is, forgot to bring chocolate from home and ended up getting it for me from Compass Point, like how out of the way is that!
And Mel came and gave me this bar of the Guylian chocolate! Which is like, those Guylian seashells - except in BAR form! Like OMG DIE FROM THE TOTAL GOODNESS. But I think I like the seashells more - they're just ex. x)
And like just when I was feeling so LOVED and LUCKY, Victor (OMGOMGOMG) told me that there was cake, and pointed to this mountain of styrofoam boxes on the floor of CAKES! It's just your normal chocolate sponge + blueberry jam cake, but oh gosh the CREAM ON TOP. I was in heaven, though of course it's not as nice as cupcake icing, but STILL. Yep and I brought it all home and fully intend to finish it tonight or for breakfast tomorrow. And the chocolates were polished on the car ride home after training.
AND LIKE, I DID MY FIRST EVER LIBERTY YESTERDAY? AND AGAIN TODAY. LIKE, Joanne and Shane are so fabulously STRONG. Andand though I'm really horrible at midbasing (I'll be STRONG AND LEARN, please don't throw me away cos I'm weak. ): ), Mel finally managed to get up on the 1-1-1! Though I pretty much tortured them both.. I guess I try, but the wrong way. I need to lock lock lock lock lockkkkk.
No slamming down on Lilo's shoulder.
No weight on the right.
No butt/hip sticking out on the left.
Graaaab Mel for life.
Save the stunt.
CHEER FACE!
And ruuun to the dance position. Shake harder (sharper motions), smile brighter and jump higher (for partner dance and jumps)! And then PARTNER STUNT! Which I stress - DID NOT FAIL TODAY! I'm so glad, I think Shane might have murdered me for being such a.. n00b. Hahah now when I see/hear the word noob I think of Alex's line in his speech which really cracks me up.
"I can tell from just one sentence that a player says, "Wah lao, u damn noob sia.", that he is a Singaporean too, and we can talk about many other things after that." Or something. Haha yeah right, someone just called you a noob. But it's so funny. His speech was GOOD. His expression is a bit like Royston's haha, roomie influence I guess.
Yup. And I just feel so happy with chocolates and cake. It's not really the sugar rush and all, it's just friends. OH AND MEL GAVE ME THIS PACK OF APPLE GUMMIES. WHICH I FELT SO BAD FOR TAKING? I MEAN. She was like.
"Take them, Happy Birthday!" and I was thinking okay, is this for my birthday? So I said "Are you kidding?" Then she was like nono take it. So anyway I just took it cos it was SO, SO GOOD. Mellllllll is such a wonderful food friend. I still remember when she told me she understood how I felt about my chocoddiction. And she bought me TRIPLE FUDGE BROWNIE FROM MRS FIELDS LIKE AAAH. Speaking of which, Thursday's Esplanade performance!! It's in two days. Which means my much awaited SPLURGE on Mrs Fields is COMING.
I love life. I love talking to Eunice, regardless of how meaningless/random our conversations are. Doing twist-ups remind me of her so much. I wish some things never happened. (Like the elevator split.) ):
And The Mentor told my parents I'm very close to this person in school who goes by the name Daniel Tai.
Like wow thanks. Whoo hoo. What's next, she's going to get me a supply of TimTam for my 18th birthday? Cos I'm "not eating right" and need to fatten up? Or a free ticket to see the school's inhouse counsellor.
Well just because I've got high met, exercise much and just in general stopped eating as much Macs as I used to, it doesn't give people the right to pass judgement. From my friends it's fine, but if you know nuts about anything just stay away yup? Were you ever there to see how much I used to stuff myself? Like, how much I could eat every single day without putting on a single inch or kilo or whatever?
This is just a passing phase of my life, when I'm busy running around between violin classes, school, piano lessons and cheer trainings and not eating as much as I used to - which is probably still (loads?) more than the average teenager, especially other weight-conscious/obsessive 18 year old girls who won't take a piece of chocolate cos "oooh, it's FIFTY CALORIES." It's not like I won't gain all that weight back. Do you think I'm okay with losing my muscles? With feeling cold for no reason at all? With having the weirdest people asking me if I'm freaking anorexic? Like really, no. x)
Anyways YUPZ I'm supposed to go to bed now that my hair's dry. Not even supposed to be on the com - was sooo sorely tempted to leave it in school till tomorrow so I could play during mentoring/MUSIC BRIEFING OMG. Boredom to the max. Haha. That's all bye.
Whoo hoo.
Talk about feeling left out.
I didn't know not being with friends could hurt so much. Okay, it doesn't hurt, but it's just a rather horrible sinking feeling.
Well it's not as though they're intentionally leaving me out - I just wish I could be more interested or good at netball or something.
Well, and have a nicer personality so I wouldn't just be completely uninformed about not having an IR group until what, this year?
I'm writing this here for everyone to see not cos I want to prove anything, I just wanted you all to know that I really do love you. Even more so now, when I'm not as close to you guys. It's just difficult, seeing Eunice say that Elaine and Jasmine are so nice and knowing such a comment could never be made about me because even I know myself that I am not nice.
And their love for netball made me change my opinion about it too, and made me realise how easy it is for happiness to spread among friends - it's a nice feeling inside.
But I wish I could be someone else too, so I'd be someone's best friend for once.
Hahah, anyways, that's what I get for having a boyfriend I guess. Everyone - really, everyone - assumes I can hang out with him during breaks. Well here's some random trivia, he ain't exactly Jie Shen or Gan Shun or some random nice guy who doesn't mind being seen with a girl or anything.
It's all suffocating me to tears.
And I'm trying to smile because Jas&Co have got a great IR project coming along. Because I've made new friends like Hari and Shaun. Because I love my quarrelsome friendship with Jacque and Gabriel. Becausebecausebecause,
all I'm trying to do is run away.Strong Jo will triumph over all in God's loving embrace. :D
Labels: angst
I'M HAPPY!
Sometimes I wait around, waiting for him to talk to me. It never happens.
Sometimes I think, I really want to watch this movie. He says he hopes we'll get to catch it while it's still in cinemas. It never happens.
Sometimes I wish we had more things to talk about. I wish we actually shared common interests (I just realised we really, really don't.) I wish I could make him smile the same way everyone manages to. It never happens.
Well meanwhile, while Jo embarks on a long-term journey in a quest to become Dan's #1 girlfriend, please take care of Daniel everyone! =D
I need a break from hurt and disappointment, BUT! I'm strong and there's always food to keep me going.
Zhao Xuan this is SO COOL HAHAH. Okay, you probably think I'm crazy and masochistic but the abrasions on my waist are like so cool. It's proof of being a cheerleader! Hahah. Oh man, hope they go away by the time I get round to going tanning. Which reminds me, I wonder if we're allowed to tan on Bonding Day. Hahah, well at least like what Minah (like why is everyone calling her that now? She's MY minah! ): ), Steph and I did on cluster outing.
Omg we just had the YUMMIEST birthday cake for YQ (strawberry cheesecake from Secret Recipe) last Saturday and for Joanne/Harlis/YQ ("Champagne" from some bakery in Serangoon) today! It looks so normal but it is SO SO SO SO YUMMY. I can't believe Clar and Sharon passed on it.
Oh and I think my new addiction is bubble tea. BB says there's really good Horlicks/Oreo ice blended at S11 AMK, and JY bought some almond beancurd ice blended today. Clar bought chocolate ice blended. And there's oreo ice blended too. And they're all so freaking GOOD. They should have bubble tea sampler sets so I can get 10 different flavours at once. There's no way I can drink 3 cups of bubble tea over one traininggg. ): Well unless I will myself to.
I'm so glad I'm okay with my impulsive eating instead of whining about how fattening it all is. Hahah, guilt-free bingeing > anything.
Valentines Day 2008
It's impossible, I know.
But sometimes, just sometimes, my mind starts wandering in that direction.
It's like a person on a boat, thinking that its a little shaky, spots another boat in the distance and excitedly tries to move onto the new boat and basically in the end that person ends up with nothing, just floating away or drowning in the sea.
Alone.
I just had to do this. A list of people that made my survival through this horrible day possible:
Eunice - no matter what, just knowing she's around will keep me strong.
Kegan - for giving me the motivation and encouragement to even do anything for Daniel today.
Theo - for constantly telling me that what I do will be appreciated.
Melody - for telling me it isn't a lame idea.
May Fong - for helping me so much by placing the note and refridgerating the cakes.
JJ - for just being such a lovely and perfect ______-__, and just making me smile.
Shaun - for the pineapple tarts and the unexplainable strength
Nic - for being the reason I realised I left my goody bag in school
Bryan - for being the first to reach out to me
Ken Wei - for giving me a chocolate because I looked like I needed it
Jacque - for being the lovely friend she is
Gabriel - for his big, comforting presence
Hari - for his reaction when I gave him his cookie
Ben and Ada - for the cards that slapped me in the face
Shaun, Bryan, Gabriel, Joy, Jing Min, JJ, Lil/Viv - who told me the cookies were yum. It made me feel like the effort wasn't wasted.
You guys just bring so much joy into my life and REALLY, truly keep me strong. And this isn't just something I'm saying. I mean it.
And talking to Kegan now, I really want to thank Ben and Ada. This year, I was just so busy on the few days before Vday. Needless to say, Monday and Tuesday were horrible days since I had to lug a lot of things around from school to violin or to training (by luck, Monday's training was cancelled). Wednesday, I rushed from school to town and ran around looking for fabric paint for the candles and went home, baked a bit and did some candles and rushed to Novena to pay violin fees, check on windbreaker pricings and go for piano lesson after which I had to drag my tired and battered body home and before I could even sit on my bed, I was up and about to bake again, all the way till 3+am and then did more candles and cards. And in the end, I don't think the cards properly conveyed what I wanted to say to my friends. They just became.. paper.
Like I wanted to tell Ada exactly what she wrote me in her letter. I wanted to say how much I was thankful that we were friends now after the things in the past, and that I don't know why, but I'm really happy that she started going to church etcetc but I didn't cos I wasn't thinking straight at 4am. And although she had her stuff to do too, she managed to write me a decent card that wasn't like the brief .. crap I gave people. It just made me feel so horrible.
And Ben's. I vaguely remember talking to him earlier this week and he said he wasn't doing anything except for the people who mattered enough to him. I definitely knew I wasn't one of them since I always threw tantrums at him. And I eventually forgot he said that at all, and when Jasmine told me that Ben had something to pass me, I was just like "oh okay I have something to pass him too." Then I read the first line:
"Guess what, you matter enough." And the tears just came out before I noticed them.
This Vday was really full of love from my friends, and I still feel the warmth inside when I think about each and every one of them.
And Ameera who mentioned the time in Year 3 at the lockers when I showed her the video of Melissa and Alex from the OC kissing. Guess what - You won't believe this, but I remembered exactly the same thing like super recently?! Haha freaky, but omg I was just so happy when I saw that part in your letter minah. And no worries Jo ain't bulimic. =\ It's just not very possible. Even if I did feel like puking today after crying so much after school. Oh well, I LOVE ALL OF YOU.
Labels: friends
I miss Daniel!
And it's only been 2 days.
We've been through moreeeeee.
Stay strong, Jo.
About the previous post.. I'm so glad it ended there.
Daniel's gone to Penang for the CNY holidays, but I saw that coming since forever (last National Day? He seems to go back when there's a long public holiday break) so I'm really okay. It's just the lack of someone to talk to has added to my impulses to eat. And yes people, I've been stuffing myself with CNY goodies and non-CNY goodies. I got 6 muffins from one of the Year 4 stalls in school today and finished them all before lunch, in addition to my bigger cranberry muffin and even more substantial chocolate chip nutella/vanilla muffin. It seems like muffins are my latest fad, but I assure you it's just my fake vow to stay away from cupcakes this CNY. Then I had reunion lunch with mom and dad - RENDANG, CURRY CHICKEN, SAUTEED PRAWNS ETC GALORE. It was really yummifying. And it was more of QUANTITY than VARIETY since there was only the 3 of us. So much love!
Reunion dinner was soooo filling as usual. Double steamboat dinners tonightzzz! Wootz. Sometimes, I'm thankful for high metabolism.
By the way, I've been hooked on blogsurfing these days. Not friend's blogs, but food blogs. They're such tortures to read but I'm willing to torture myself. ): Anyway lately I've been going through a lot of dilemma about what birthday cake to get (esp after discovering a better, yummier brownie cheesecake which I decided not to get anymore cos I've had too damned much of it) and I decided to get something else instead. It's quite controversial, so far none of my friends have done that so I HOPE IT'S FINE. =\
Gah I feel like a pig. Just downed another cranberry muffin.
Labels: food
Dangerous.
You're suddenly in my life again.
I never actually had a crush on you or anything, but.. I don't know how to describe this. Thank you for everything, all these years whether we were friends or not. I wish.. I really don't know. What to do, what to believe. You always leave me so confused.
I love Daniel. Please let me believe that.
PS. Thanks so much.
-
IT'S BEEN 3 YEARS. I've grown so much. In relation. You're (this is a different you haha) so in the past.
My week....end.
"OMG THE PAST WEEK HAS BEEN FANTASTIC.
Honestly, I can't even remember how badly I was dreading it. I think I was close to tears! Okay this week, after handing up Chem Lab on Wednesday I felt so LIBERATED AND FREE. And after preparing my speech for Thursday, too. But I think I'll redo that since I have time today. But yeah it's like the busiest moments of my year so far were just OVER and I felt like, WHOA. This week I had performances and violin lesson and lots of stuff to do like zapping scores for the violin section, hand up lots of work and music quiz and math quiz and stuff and OMG I thought I would never see the weekend. AND the weekend just proved itself to be SO worth the wait cos training was great on Friday and Saturday (though I think I hurt my ankle? It feels weird.) and you have NO idea how great today was.
So last night, right after I got home from training, Mom and Dad whisked me off to Ikea for dinner (OMG 8 MEATBALLS 4 CHICKEN WINGS HOTDAAAAAAAWGS! (i had TWO HOT DOGS COS THEY WERE DIRT CHEAP HAHA IKEA OWNS ME.) but before that cos there was a long parking queue at Ikea, we parked over at Anchorpoint. So obviously we were just meant to cross the overhead bridge to Ikea but NO. I spotted Subway and so Mom bought me 2 Subway brownies (OMG THEY'RE FUDGEY AND SOOOO DELICIOUS) and 6 subway cookies! I love it when Mom pays, I don't have to worry about going broke! So yeh I really 'gave myself a treat', with Mom's money. (: (And I kept the change, shhh.) I actually bought ONE oatmeal raisin cookie to satisfy my Mom, since she thinks it sounds healthy. I never wanted to try it at all. Even last time when she buys me Famous Amos, she's always like "Why don't you try the oatmeal & raisin one?" and I'm like omg no way healthfreak. But IT TURNED OUT TO BE SO FREAKING YUMMY! THE SUBWAY SOFT ONE. OMGOMGOMG. I'm an addict. But I still love choc chip, white chip and double choc. Okay, I'm just a cookie/brownie freak.
AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS YUMMY? Today, at church, we had a potluck picnic thing for Sec 1 orientation?! And in my time we were so lame, everyone brought sandwiches and chips and all. THIS TIME, SOME SMART LOVELY KID I-DONT-KNOW-WHO-YOU-ARE-BUT-YOU-ROCK-MY-WORLD brought a BROWNIE CHEESECAKE that is like, SO the yummiest brownie cheesecake I ever ate in my ENTIRE life. Seriously. It OWNS the one from Brownie Factory (which is so ex) and DEFINITELY the one from Hans. It's from some bakery in Sin Ming Centre. I'm going to get that for my birthday now. It's probably better than NYDC's. Omg. Hahah I think brownie cheesecakes aren't really cheesecakes.. at least not this one. It's like 90% brownie or something. At least when I got to it. x) BUT I HAD SOME OF THE CHEESECAKE AND IT WAS SO YUMMY. Yeah that kid brought a WHOLE cake like 2kg? and didn't finish it so when I got to it there was like about a third left. And Rowena let me bring it home like OMG it didn't even last me the journey home. I was eating it on the way back.
And some cute kid, Benjamin, brought like 6 big muffins! I think it's a shop that specialises in selling muffins which is like HOW COOL but his voice was so soft I couldn't get the address from him. Yup I had 2, and apparently he was damn sad that no one (except me) ate them so he had 4 to bring home- I guess it was just too big for people to take or kids these days just don't appreciate sweet stuff like I do - so I took another one like OMG! Bless his sweet little soul. I wish I could've taken them all from him but it would've been so shameless! Why are kids these days so rich. Like brownie cheesecakes and big muffins?! And they don't even want to bring them home?!
Jazlene brought a WHOLE kueh lapis cake. I told her to bring the rest to school to share with the netballers. =D I love her she's so CUTE and shy. Wonder if she's like that in school. I'll find out.
Yes, that sums up my day so far, except the many hot dog buns of Ann Marie's that I swallowed, and Raymond's yummy chicken nuggets and Audrey's jelly and some girl's Doritos and egg sandwiches and more Hawaiian Host chocolate and some boy's homemade megasized popcorn chicken and some girl's extra sugared and buttered popcorn. Yepz. I REALLY really enjoyed my day. Well that was breakfast, so I'm off to lunch now. Hope it's yummy!
Andand I'm so excited for more trainings from now on. Yes!! I'm going to eat my fill over the CNY break and convert it all to muscles! OMG Can't wait till Wednesday's reunion dinner. I get to choose the ingredients! Well it's quite generic but STILL.
Muackz.
(PS JANE, if you see this, I think we did a decent job today and you know we could've been so much better if we had the time! Love you, allright? Cheers!)"
quoted from my LJ.
So much for my previous post. Eating just comes so naturally to me, anyway. :D
Labels: food
Uhh..
Today, I woke up to brush my teeth. On my way back to my bed to sleep more before training, I saw myself in the reflection. It's really not me, and I'm kinda freaked out. Ada's been saying my legs are too skinny and I never thought so at all but now I'm kinda like.. Eh.......
Something's really strange. I haven't changed the amount I eat, and I don't exercise as much these days and I certainly shit a lot less haha.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Need help. Gain weight. Dropping again. Oh oh. x)
