123rd post
I feel so freaking stupid.
Why am I so...
Ugh.
Now I can't undo that feeling of being a replacement. And being nothing but desperate.
Eunice I miss you.
Jas I miss you too.
And Elaine. And everyone.
If I could go back to August 30th I would do things differently.
That's what I think, at least at this point in time.
I'm sorry Jas. I want you to know that I love you regardless of anything.
And although I'm no longer closer to Eunice than I am to any random person in school, I don't blame anyone except myself.
And thanks to my
friend for talking with me in the night haha. And realising that I never actually changed and am still sucky old me.
Happy 18th Bryan!
Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "Man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home, before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it againI hate goodbyes.
And how my heart races even after we say goodbye. When all is quiet and I'm lying down here all alone and my mind wanders back to where/when we were, and wish I could relive the same moment.
So don't get mad at me when I get all sad and whiny and cross when it's time to say byebye. (:
When you go away, heaven's a distance not a place.Today was great fun at Bryan's birthday party! Videos, haha.
Thank goodness, this world has you.
21st June
2nd July
28-29th July
1st August
8th August
26-27th August
30th August
1-4th September
28th September
Don't worry, I'm not obsessive enough to remember all those dates without checking up logs, but I do remember some of them offhand. (:
[01:10:26] joanne,: uhm.
[01:10:31] :{[] X-X~ l>: uhm.
[01:10:35] :{[] X-X~ l>: uhm?
[01:10:37] :{[] X-X~ l>: uhmmm...
[01:10:39] joanne,: well.
[01:10:43] :{[] X-X~ l>: uhm
[01:10:48] :{[] X-X~ l>: well well
[01:10:48] joanne,: can you do me a favour. like.
[01:10:53] :{[] X-X~ l>: like?
[01:10:56] joanne,: it wont take very long see you downstairs.
[01:11:07] :{[] X-X~ l>: downstairs where?
[01:11:24] joanne,: stairs
[01:11:46] :{[] X-X~ l>: alright cya
You change my life- in past, present and future tense.
Blue.
You'll never know how much it hurt.
I know this isn't what you wanted or asked for.
I'm sorry, at the moment I'm just being ridiculous. Just give me some time to recover. Repeatedly stabbed wounds don't heal quite as quickly and fully.
Thanks for being so patient with me today.
HEHE I got the project with Mr Low cos I am so loveddddd.
Dr Seah gave the go ahead to drop the project with Dr Tong and take up the proj under Mr Low too. Whoo hoo. Why am I so good.
Anyways there was this upgrading thing of the electricity meters at our block so like the electricity was totally cut off from 9:30 till now, 3:45? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? The FRIDGE was off. But for some reason my ice cream didn't melt. Heh. Anyways. Didn't go to school today lol. I'm so glad about IR I think I shall go reward myself with some proper food.
I'm still so excited about window shopping and pretzels.
And my muscles are actually aching. Life is falling back into place. I hope it stays in place so people can see a happy vibrant me everyday. I am so contented.
Sheena and Brandan are super cute haha.
That aside, after talking to BB on Sunday night I have resolved to become a more proactive girl at training. I really want to improve, you see.
Anyway today I went to school though I didn't have any duty for SIMC. And I just handed up the IR form and had fun jumping from buffet to buffet within the school. Wow. The concourse one was really the best we ever catered for anything. But the breakfast one with doujiang and youtiao was fabulous too. Anyways, that's just me being cheap.
Somehow I managed to stay in school from 10:30 to 5:30. Talked to Dr Wong a bit about the recital.. It'll tentatively be in the 2nd week of term 4. Two weeks before reading day for exams start. Tuesdays and Fridays are out because of training. It'll probably be on a Monday so PEOPLE keep your dates open. 15th September.
If you have any good reason for me to change it to the 17th or 18th, please tell me. I might get 18th since it's my favourite number. And Chye Shuyi's birthday lol. Actually I don't mind T4W1. Like I could spend my whole holidays practising or something. But well, I was actually hoping I could spend the holiday in my own world with Dan. Haha but I guess he'll be busy again, with college application stuff. I hope he goes off somewhere good. Haha and maybe many many many years in the future when I see him again he'll be so rich he can buy me a brownie cake from Mrs Fields for my birthday.
Oh well I feel like terminating this blog and my LJ. I don't even want to keep a blog it's a chore to update sometimes I just do it cos.. I don't know why actually. And Dan thinks it's ridiculous so. Not that I'm one to do or not do things cos of what people think. But he really thinks it's stupid. Haha I feel like a nuthead. He daoed me at the mamashop today. Three times.
Haha well today I felt like.. I don't really talk to Kegan these days. .________. I have to do the birthday card OMG I'm such a bad friend. BFF! Jiayou this holidays, and next semester we'll improve again okay!
And I saw JJ today after quite some time haha. I just feel like theres no stress at all talking to him hahah so it's always refreshing to see him. Haha I hardly speak chinese anymore these days and the only time I do is to him/Debbie haha. Anyways, I was being a PMSy biatch before dinner today and after I threw my shoebag on the table and walking off, I think JJ, Jacque and Gab had to ask Dan to come and find me. Haha. My friends they're so ridiculously sweet.
Anyway Jacque looked so pretty today loveeee. And Gabo! I came to school to meet him okay. I'm pretty glad we stayed in school instead of going out cos we probably wouldn't know where to go. Guys. -.- Yeah I really do like going to school to see my friends.
Yay for window shopping trip in June! Man I haven't had someone like that to go out with in a damn long while. Lol we're way past caring how stupid the other looks trying on stupid clothes. After all, we tried on a tree-dress from Topshop (what can get any worse?) and shared changing rooms. Oh my pong I suddenly remembered this time when she was crazy over hoodies and we locked ourselves in a changing room at the surf shop in PS and camwhored with hoodies and when we came out the line was like infinitely long. Oops. Heh. Stupidity.
Guys hate shopping and I feel bad boring them with it. Eunice just hates me, fullstop. I bet it's cos I might be bad influence for snacking. Or maybe she just doesn't go out on weekdays. Or maybe she only goes out with Elaine/Jasmine and family. Oh well I haven't gone out with Eunice in ages too haha but last time was fun. Town in FBTs, shoebags and smelly after trainings. AAAAAAAAAAH MISS U MUCH SEE YOU AFTER HOLS NICE NEW BAG!
I topped the class/module/level for music lawl. I am so pro, biatches.
Labels: school
LOL.
| Subject |
|
|
|
| Y3 CAP | Y3 Targeted CAP | Y4 CAP | Y4 Targeted CAP | Y5 CAP | Y5 Targeted CAP | Y6 CAP | Y6 Targeted CAP |
| Biology |
|
|
|
| 2.50 | - | 2.21 | - | 4.07 | - | 5.00 | - |
| Chemistry |
|
|
|
| 2.83 | - | 1.60 | - | 3.30 | - | 5.00 | - |
| Fine Arts |
|
|
|
| 3.50 | - | - | - | - | - | - | - |
| Geography |
|
|
|
| - | - | - | - | - | - | - | - |
| History |
|
|
|
| - | - | - | - | - | - | - | - |
| Literature |
|
|
|
| 4.00 | - | - | - | - | - | - | - |
| Mathematics |
|
|
|
| 2.56 | - | 2.36 | - | 2.50 | - | 5.00 | - |
| Music |
|
|
|
| - | - | 3.75 | - | - | - | 5.00 | - |
| Physics |
|
|
|
| 2.00 | - | 0.70 | - | - | - | - | - |
Tell me I am so, so pro.
You can ignore the last column, it's a friggin outlier.
Whoo hoo yeah baby. Look at the failing grades! And Math, it's really misleading in Year 3. It's cos we took so many damned modules. I failed 3 of them and had to retake one of them. Tell me I am sooooo good.
I'm damn proud of Year 4 physics! :DLabels: school
I was watching Gossip Girl 17 and BFF I'm really scared.
I haven't talked to you for so long cos of APs and I just wanted to say I really miss you and I'm scared. I don't want to have any secrets, I don't want to.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm scared.
And Dan must not know.
Where are you..
I'm so glad I'm fat now, so people can't even begin to suspect that I'm anorexic.
Which is why I'm saying right here, right now that I need to diet and no ones stopping me.
Đëňvэяs, joanne jump lock flick. says:
oh my PONG
Đëňvэяs, joanne jump lock flick. says:
i'm so gonna diet after tmr
Đëňvэяs, joanne jump lock flick. says:
:(
friend says:
diets always start tomorrow -.-
Đëňvэяs, joanne jump lock flick. says:
.. hahaha
Đëňvэяs, joanne jump lock flick. says:
lol
Đëňvэяs, joanne jump lock flick. says:
shit
Đëňvэяs, joanne jump lock flick. says:
.. :(
friend says:
its worse if its after tmr
well my
friend was saying she would start studying for bio at 10. and at 10 she didn't want to start and she was like "actually when i say study i mean max 1hr min 10 minutes. Assuming i sleep at 12, that leaves me 10pm-1150pm to procrastinate." Which is a pretty good thing to do. To include the procrastination time inside your planned schedule. Unless you, like me, procrastinate about procrastinating.
Anyway. It's not that I think I'm fat. I don't, actually. But that's not to say I won't be if I continue eating at the rate I do. I wouldn't mind being muscular but no I'm not. Okay I won't diet, I'll exercise and quit being a sessile piece of crap.
Byebye while I go emo with another tub of ice cream.
Heh bought three tubs of Magnolia's Gelazia yesterday (I typed 'the other day at first' cos it feels like so long ago - because I've finished half of everything already). They're all pretty good.. and..... cheap gelato tasting but HAHA nevermind I love ice cream. Mom bought more types today.
I think I can self-declare to be the greatest ice cream junkie in NUS High. Haha. Well I must try Swirl Gelateria and Gelateria Estivo in the Bukit Timah area next time, maybe when the opportunity arises. Like when I spend 3 days standing outside Dan's condo like a nut and get sick of it. Hahah.
I'm down with a really bad cold, because I keep making it worse by eating ice cream. Haha, can you imagine. Cos I eat directly out of the tub, so I just stand next to the freezer (or sit on the freezer sometimes) and eat, and I don't even notice that my nose is running and I'm sniffling like a baby.
Anyway APs will be over in less than 3 days. I am so screwed because Chem remains a mystery to me. I keep whining about how I know nothing but I don't do anything about it heh.
Well I missed 2 trainings and feel shitty about it. I am going to train hard after exams. There's still SATs, which people seem to expect me to do well in. You can just pretend I'm trying to be modest or faking it, but I really doubt I will. Whywhywhy where do all your expectations arise from? I'm going to aim high, for a 1830. -.- Wish me luck people.
And yesterday Daniel and I talked over MSN. I can't say quarrel because we don't actually quarrel. We just talk rapidly and the atmosphere is so freaking suffocating but it's still civil because I guess Daniel's been brought up to.. not quarrel. I don't know haha. This is what Theo calls forced peace (well that's what he said when I said Dan's family doesn't quarrel). But anyway, I'm so happy that Dan's sososo.. nice. Haha I dunno. I marvel at my expansive SAT vocabulary. "Nice".
MINAH I feel bad I used you as supporting evidence when we were arguing. Don't worry. I love you. :D
